Surrogate daughter seals connection between 2 Ontario women who met on Facebook | 24CA News

Two and a half years in the past, Karen Scutt of Toronto posted on Facebook that she was in search of a surrogate mother. 

Scutt was coping with the painful information that she wouldn’t have the ability to carry one other little one, however did not suspect her on-line plea would lead wherever, as she shared with CBC News in 2020 — particularly to discovering Cindy Gilbank, who would finally turn out to be her surrogate.

“There was somewhere like between 800 and 1,000 shares, and the only recognizable name was somebody named John Gilbank, who said, ‘Hey Karen, message me. My wife’s always wanted to do this,'” mentioned Scutt. 

John and Scutt had attended college collectively, so Scutt took an opportunity and received in contact with the Gilbanks to satisfy for the primary time at a park with their youngsters — the beginning of their journey collectively. 

“She was very prepared. Their kids are really well behaved, but they’re fun,” Scutt says of that first assembly with Gilbank. “They’ve done a great job raising children and you can tell she just naturally leans in to motherhood — that’s the kind of vibe you want of someone carrying your baby.”

Gilbank, a mom of 4 who lives a few three-hour drive from Scutt in Corunna, Ont., mentioned she knew “right off the bat” she wished to assist Scutt and her husband have a child.

“I have two boys and then I had twin girls, and I always thought about having four kids, but I only had three pregnancies,” she mentioned. “I was missing that fourth pregnancy because I didn’t realize I was only going to end up having three, so that’s why I wanted to do the surrogacy because I needed to fulfil that need to have another pregnancy.”

Bond throughout being pregnant 

Over a few yr, the 2 girls co-ordinated hospital and physician visits. The planning concerned loads of journey, particularly for Scutt. 

In Canada, surrogates are gestational carriers, that means their DNA is rarely a part of the fetus.

Scutt mentioned she paid about $10,000 in journey, remedy and varied appointments — it did not, nonetheless, embody paying the surrogate, which contravenes Canadian regulation. 

Under the Assisted Human Reproduction Act, it’s unlawful to pay a surrogate, nevertheless it’s authorized to reimburse the particular person for pregnancy-related bills comparable to further meals, clothes, nutritional vitamins and any transportation prices incurred whereas travelling to medical appointments.

Gilbank mentioned she wanted to undergo a number of assessments to turn out to be a surrogate. 

Both girls additionally employed unbiased legal professionals to arrange a 40-page surrogacy contract. 

“She had a lawyer and I had a lawyer, and we kind of went back and forth until everything was sorted out, and we went from there,” mentioned Gilbank, including it wasn’t a troublesome course of, although she recommends hiring a lawyer who makes a speciality of surrogacy. 

During the 9 months Gilbank carried Scutt’s child, the 2 grew to become nearer, sharing each day updates collectively. 

Scutt mentioned her good friend was open and caring to her, after Scutt’s final being pregnant resulted in a traumatic stillbirth of a daughter. 

“[Gilbank] is a very warm, mothering type person,” mentioned Scutt. “I think she knew that she wasn’t just taking care of my baby, and of course herself in that moment, but she was also taking care of me a little bit.”

‘I knew that I wanted to be associates with the couple that I had the child for as a result of I want to see her develop up, whereas different surrogates, they’re fortunate to get a card a yr or perhaps a cellphone name or meet after the child is born after they’re principally minimize out as a result of their job is over,” said Gilbank. 

“I suppose everyone has completely different wants, and each Karen’s wants and my wants are nonetheless being met with this relationship we constructed.”

“We additionally identical to one another,” joked Scutt. 

Gilbank gave birth to Scutt’s daughter on Oct. 22, 2021. The two women were together in the delivery room and the days after, giving Gilbank some special time with the baby. 

“Because we had the 4 youngsters and we knew all of us alongside we have been having 4 youngsters, we knew our household was full,” she said. “But it was good as a result of not loads of surrogates get to spend time with child in hospital or after, and our story is somewhat bit completely different as a result of my husband and Karen’s husband did not come to the hospital for the start.”

The two women and their families have stayed connected ever since. Gilbank even pumped breast milk for the baby months after giving birth. 

Baby’s middle name is Cindy, after surrogate

Scutt and her husband named their daughter Molly Cindy Clemens. Her middle name is an homage to the woman who carried her. 

“When she’s sufficiently old to grasp, I’m going to clarify to her what occurred, and clarify to her about her sister that did not make it and the way she ended up being grown in Cindy, and what Cindy and John did for us and their entire household, actually, as a result of all of them needed to pitch in when she was sick and pregnant,” said Scutt. 

Molly is 13 months old, and the families have taken a few trips together, and go back and forth every once in a while to stay connected. 

“I hope she views her type of like Aunt Cindy and Uncle John. And I hope we proceed the custom of going,” said Scutt. 

“I get plenty of child snuggles after we do see them,” said Gilbank. 

“I do not speak to her each day or something like that, however after we get collectively, I would view her as a niece, and similar together with her son as effectively — he is a nephew, and I suppose that is the connection we’ll have. I’m aunty Cindy.”

Scutt said she’s grateful for their surrogacy journey. 

“I feel there’s lots of people who actually would not know they get pleasure from this expertise and the lifelong bond and the way it modifications you essentially to undergo one thing like this.”